Reflections on (almost) a month of writing 📝

30th November. Today’s the last day of the first round of having the Co-Writing Space open every weekday for a month. Ok, so I think we started on the 9th November actually, but it’s been the best part of a month and I have learnt a lot by showing up to hold the Co-Writing Space every weekday for an hour on Zoom.

The Co-Writing Space is a one-hour portal for writers to come together online and write together every weekday. Usually we introduce ourselves and set our writing intentions, then I open the space with a short guided meditation or writing practice, and we have the rest of the hour to write. Just write.

Here are some of the things I’ve learnt from showing up every day to write:

*I have written a lot. A lot more than I usually would, for sure. With even just around 45 minutes per day of focused writing time, I have written (and edited) fast-paced articles of about 1000 words each that I’ve posted immediately for that instant-gratification of getting my words out there. In the time I’ve been showing up for the Co-Writing Space (about 3 weeks of 5 times a week), I have published about 3 – this will be 4 – of those kinds of articles. That’s probably about 1 per week, or maybe slightly more on average. That’s 3 or 4 published articles that I didn’t have before, and I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Win.

*It’s not just fast articles and instant gratification. On other days in the Co-Writing Space I’ve been drafting, redrafting and editing an academic research proposal for funding. This is a more weighty document, and I’ve taken five passes at it in total. I completed the final (for now) draft of the proposal in the Co-Writing Space yesterday afternoon, and sent it out to potential funders yesterday evening. I’ve already had at least one interested response back. That’s a whole research proposal that did not exist before I started the Co-Writing Space, and that probably wouldn’t have existed otherwise. Win.

*Some days in the Co-Writing Space have been harder than others. Throughout the month, my energies fluctuate with the cycles and how I’m feeling one day is not necessarily how I’m feeling, or what I need, the next. Last week was a super tough week for me, emotionally and energetically. Some days in the Co-Writing Space I got no further than thick black ink scribbled on the page, maybe with a few hand-scrawled notes. And that’s ok. In fact, it’s essential. I’m so familiar with this need to just let myself be present where I am now, that I have made this scribbling and free-writing an integral part of my own writing practice. It’s how I start every writing session that I do for myself or others. And if some days I never get further than that, that’s ok.

What I learn from this is that the key is in showing up and being consistent with my commitment to write – or to at least be present on the page – for that time. Some days will look ugly. It’s all part of the process. Accepting that helps me to stay focused on my intention to write, and create space for my own humanness to overflow onto the page when I need it to. It’s a good reminder that I’m not a machine, and that there are emotions, needs, desires and relationships that also need my time and presence and loving acceptance. They all become part of the woven fabric of my life – the text that I am weaving – and they all get to become compost for the words that will flow again when they are ready.

*It’s about having the commitment and the accountability – not about whether anyone else shows up. It’s early days. Sometimes people came to join me in the Co-Writing Space. Sometimes they didn’t. I showed up either way – and the knowledge that somebody could show up and write with me any day helped to keep me accountable to my own commitment to holding the Co-Writing Space. It wasn’t always easy. The first week I did lose focus once or twice when I was there on my own. But the commitment, and the repetition, started to take root in me. After a while I had created a habit or a routine that was about my own integrity and accountability, and it was about giving myself that gift of writing time – whether or not anyone else came along. This – probably above all else – has helped me to get the writing done this month that I absolutely would not have even started otherwise. When commitment to others took root and became a commitment to myself and my own writing practice – that’s where the real gold has been.

*Facing myself on the page every day takes courage. Probably the deepest learning I’ve experienced on an emotional and psychological level through this practice, is that showing up on the page every day requires strength, commitment and courage. Courage to keep showing up no matter what else is going on. Courage to speak my truth no matter how messy it feels. Courage to publish what I’ve written regardless of how exposing, or futile, that seems. Because my emotions change daily. What I believe about myself changes daily. How much I believe in myself changes daily. These beliefs will come and go; ebb and flow.

But what remains constant is my commitment to keep showing up and coming back to myself and back to my practice. This is what Natalie Goldberg writes about in Writing Down the Bones – and all her books on writing. That showing up on the page is an act of courage and commitment. And that writing practice can be a spiritual practice. It requires the same depth of commitment and strength of will to keep showing up and meeting myself on the page, as it does to keep sitting down to a meditation practice. I do both. And to be honest, I feel way more self-exposed and face-to-face with my own messy interior while I’m writing. Because I can see my thoughts taking form on the page. Eugh. And cultural perfectionism teaches me to believe that those words aren’t enough, they aren’t good enough, they’ll never amount to anything, and they don’t make sense at all. Who do you think you are to be a writer anyway? Fortunately for me, seeing those words and beliefs – and the stories I’ve carried and told myself – take form on the page every day also helps me to witness them, love them, accept them, and LET THEM GO.

*Yes. Writing is one of the best practices I know for witnessing what’s really going on inside my inner world, giving it time and acknowledgement, and then having the tools to literally put it down and re-write the story. When I can see the beliefs and stories that are shaping my repeated/conditioned behaviours, I can also reframe those beliefs and stories into new affirmations that support – rather than undermine – my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

This, more than maybe anything else (although I do do a lot of practices and I’m open to discussion!) supports me to become the best version of myself that I want to see in the world. And what that means for me, increasingly, is showing up with integrity, learning how to be of service to others with the passions that I have, and being part of a co-creative community who are committed to coming together to shift what we had previously believed to possible in the world. Opening up new potentials for creativity and collaboration, and sharing in transformation and celebration.

Ok, so I didn’t expect to be writing that in the last paragraph. Not that it isn’t integral to my every breathing moment, more that I didn’t see it becoming part of this article that has an overall more practical and purposeful tone to it. But what’s not practical and purposeful about my most potent practices and my deepest driving purpose? Hmm.

Other things I have learnt from the Co-Writing Space that I didn’t have time to write about more fully today:

·      Connecting with other writers is GOOD. Just the few minutes each session when we check in and set our intentions at the beginning, and then share our reflections and celebrations at the end, can help to generate empathy, shared experiences, new ideas, solidarity, kinship, connection and mutual support for each other. Writing can be a lonely life (again, mostly thanks to the mistaken ideals and beliefs of our culture-at-large). It doesn’t have to be.

·      Letting go of Perfectionism is GREAT. Every time I write a fast article in the Space and I hit publish, I am repatterning my neurones to trust in myself, trust my own voice, trust the wisdom of what I want and need to say. Yes. And I can always rework a piece. Or recall it, if I have to. But – as a writer – putting my words out there is the single most empowering action I can take for myself, and every time I do it, I’m reprogramming towards greater self-acceptance and self-affirmation. And I’m adding to the conversation instead of keeping small and silent and waiting around on the sidelines for my ideas to be(come) perfect. They won’t. Bring it.

The Co-Writing Space closes for a while now. I will continue showing up for my own writing as much as possible in the interim, and the Space will be open again in the new year with fresh opportunities for Co-Writing and connection.

Thanks for being here with me.